A Peek Into Sponsorship

Hello and welcome. I am your host. Joseph Devlin,

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and on today's show, we're going to continue to read out of chapter nine. What is this 12 step program out of my book? A step out of darkness. So let's get at it. In regard to building a support network and learning about these principles, an individual is not supposed to do this alone. The suggestion is to have a sponsor. Aa has written a pamphlet on sponsorship, and I encourage you to pick up a copy or read it for free online. Here are a few suggestions I have regarding asking someone to be your sponsor. A sponsor should be someone who has at least one year of continuous sobriety, has been through the 12 steps, continues to work the steps in their daily lives. And males should work with males. And females work with females. And I'm going to stop there.

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So in this short passage, I want to talk to you just

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a little bit about sponsorship. And again, I want to emphasize the fact that the 12 step community has a pamphlet on sponsorship. So I encourage you to go out read it for free online. This is going to be my take on some of the benefits of sponsorship and the need for it and how it changed my life. And I have to say this is a difficult subject for me, because sponsorship truly changed my life, and it's changed me into the man that I am today when I thought that things were hopeless and could not change at all. I had somebody there who was willing to stand side by side with me and guide me through becoming sober, changing my life, looking at things in my life that I wanted to change and get rid of, as well as look at things in my life that I really wanted to go ahead and achieve.

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And how could I possibly do that, you know, and

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what were the things I could do to, you know, the goodness that was inside of me, and find that again. So I cannot, you know, I cannot thank the 12 step community enough, and I cannot thank my sponsorship enough for how much they've helped me change me so that I could help out the world. And so when we look at this 12 step program, you know, there's a sponsorship like there's no need to do this alone. It's not designed to be done that way. And so the connection with a sponsor is an easy start, and a sponsor is designed, in my opinion, designed to help guide you through the 12 step program right out of the book. So you know they can share their experiences and where they've been at, but there is also a way to navigate it through the book in itself. So that's where I say, is that somebody who's been through the steps as well as somebody who has about a year of sobriety is a good is a good start when you're looking for somebody and of course, are there outliers? Absolutely. I mean, this is just a debate within the 12 step community, but I just want to give you some probably good guidelines. And you know, with that being said, if somebody says they can't find a sponsor, pretty much at most 12 step meetings, they'll make an announcement, something to the effect of, Hey, is anybody who's been through the steps and has a working knowledge of the steps and is willing to be their sponsor? Please raise their hand. They will raise their hand. So if your loved one is going to a 12 step meeting and that's not occurring, have them go to another meeting. They'll find somebody.

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And, you know, and with that being said, I think it's a good point for somebody to, you know, somebody new coming into the rooms. You can look at the people who are, who are raising their hands, and then listen to what they have to say, see how they're acting on, you know, coffee break or before the meeting, or after the meeting, or anytime they see them out in public, you know, to kind of see how they're living their lives. Because, you know, that's anybody can talk a good talk. It's,

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can you walk the walk?

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And for me, and in the importance of 12 step community, was be, you know, I wanted to to stop my addiction. I needed that to stop that needed to be arrested. I mean, it's, quite frankly, it's not what I want. I wanted life to change, and I didn't want consequences anymore. I didn't want to live feeling the way I was feeling. I felt like I was a hopeless case. I didn't think that there was anything that was possible. To change the way I was, the way I was living. I thought it was basically just the Hey, I've made so many bad choices already, so I can't correct them. And hey, this, you know, through sponsorship and through this program, I knew that I could course correct, and I've also learned today that anytime during the day, I can now restart my day, so even when I've made mistakes throughout the day, I can stop and turn around and make things right and move forward and not have to live under the heaviness, that weightiness of the shame and the guilt that often ruled my life when I was in the midst of addiction, and just, you know, some of the things I can touch on and with a sponsor. I mean, as somebody chooses a sponsor, you know, some of the things that were great for me, especially early on. You know, my sponsor at the time is like we met, you know, once a week for an hour. And for me, that was huge to be able to talk with another, I mean, now, even at that point, for an hour a week, was important, because they got to know me. I got to know them. I was building trust. I didn't really trust too many people, quite frankly. I mean, I was I was pretty I mean, I was ashamed of some of the ways that I was living, and I knew I wasn't living up to my potential. I wasn't where I wanted to be at in life, so I definitely didn't want to let people know some of the things I did, as well as, Hey, what are the things I'm lacking in life? Whereas that, you know, I feel like I could have, if I didn't allow this addiction to rule my life, I could have been doing so many more things. And so that was so important in opening the door to begin letting people in and people getting to know me also, you know, this was a time where, you know, we, you know, I was able to do some of the evaluation of what my good and my bad were in my own life, taking that stock of that also, you know, part of, you know, this trust process and getting to know God, and having these open discussions back and forth. And, you know, my first sponsor and I, we agreed on some things, but we definitely disagreed on others. And that was okay. It, you know, it was kind of like that Iron sharpens irons. It was able to say not one person's way was right, but it allowed us to talk and have further conversations about that. Because, you know, for me, you know that relationship with God is, is, is essential to everything I do in my life. And it was a key to unlocking sobriety. It was the key to unlocking friendships. It wasn't key to unlocking who I wanted to be and who I am today. It was a key to being a better father, a better

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parent, and then, and I wasn't even married, and I didn't have any children at the time, but all of these things led to that.

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And you know, and if I go on with sponsorships like one of these things, like to almost deprive yourself of of getting engaged with a sponsor. I mean, you have somebody already in this 12 step community who's navigated the process, who's been through the 12 steps, who kind of either knows other people who've been through similar situations as yourself, or they can at least direct you towards somebody who knows somebody, but also they also might have experienced it themselves. So, I mean, that's the greatest part about being a teacher, right? Is when we get to learn from other people. They you know, we get to share in their wisdom and the mistakes that they made, and we can help not have to make those same mistakes, but also be able to gain from their successes, realize where they had successes in their lives. And you know, just to be sitting in a 12 step program and never engaging with a sponsor, you're really depriving yourself and robbing yourself of of becoming even better than who you are today. And when I say better, I mean, like you really get to enjoy life moving forward, because it is about helping one another. Ultimately, in everything we do in any profession, it's always about providing a service for somebody else. And in this, in this 12 step community, there's there's like walking hand in hand with one another. Being able to do this is we're we're spurring one another on, and it's ultimately to be able to help people outside of that 12 step community. So it's in your work, it's

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in your family life. So if you're a better brother, better husband, better nephew. better person in your local grocery store. That's just amazing, and I want to accelerate that process. And, you know, the sponsor I have today, I mean, they, you know, really were able to grasp. On to the Help me, spur me on, beyond just the 12 steps, and being able to take this stock in myself and this relationship that I was allowed to create with God, and to be able to make amends to people in my life to make things right. So I didn't have to look over my shoulder anymore. I didn't have to walk into a room with a family member and feeling all guilty about these things that I had done, you know, all that clear. I mean, that is just such like a huge backpack off of my back that that by just simply going through this process, but having somebody lead me through this process was just amazing, you know, and developing this spiritual life, and developing this prayer life that was of mine own choosing, but I had the ability to bounce this off people. And you know, I mean, you know, I you know not only books of recommendations or simple prayers of recommendations, you know like, but you know the idea of sitting in adoration chapels again and like, there's just so many things that come out because I've allowed somebody else to be in my life and hear some of their experiences, along with things that were working for me. But the other thing that I got tapped into was this idea of goals, like there were other things. Yes, I said I wanted other things when I when I first came into sobriety, I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a family. And again, none of this stuff was even remotely on the radar, yet

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they were able to awaken

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inside of me these ideas of goals and dreams. And this is where I say, is that yes, like a sponsor, can be a mentor. There's no doubt about that in my life, because that's what it is today. I mean, being able to the first time I was asked about like, Hey, what are my goals and what are my dreams? I was scared. I didn't have any and but within just a few, you know, just somebody being caring enough to sit there really look at me in the eyes and talk to me, I unlocked like, 50 different dreams I had in a matter of 510 minutes, and I was just felt alive again. I felt like, whoo, the world is worth living. It was, I mean, I, believe me, I was very grateful that I was sober and I wasn't having that compulsion of addiction where I had to go out and do this each and every day. But now I had these visions of these things that I really wanted to do, and those things that made me come alive and and this is where, you know, my sponsor today says, Hey, if you're not having fun, you're not doing this right? That changes my whole life. I mean, look, parenting is challenging, but I gotta have fun doing it right, doing it right, you know. And it does help with those difficult times when I've got to be the parent and, you know, just kind of hold my children accountable or or, you know, not agree to do every single thing that they want to do, and it's hard, but then I've got a I can flip it back pretty quick, saying, Let's go have fun again, because that's what it's about. I want my kids to have fun. I want to have fun and and it looks different in different situations, and but I've learned that today, and that's like that, that untapping of that, that that inner spirit that's inside of me that has so much drive, and that it's like, wow, this there are possibilities. I don't have to live in a hopeless state of mind and body anymore. I don't have to sit in the shame and guilt of I what I once did. It's Hey, that part of me is that part of me is dead. I have I've taken care of anything I've needed to take care of. I've done my best to lay the groundwork to help others, to amend relationships, to improve relationships, to bring back a community again. I've worked on myself in this intra level where I'm feel confident of who I am and the strengths that I bring to the table. I've, I've worked together as on this inter level, meaning that like with my inner relationships within my community, so it's like my family, my work, wherever I go, you know, and which ultimately really benefits my entire community. This all happens through sponsorship, and I'm going to, you know, there's other things that happen with the fellowship of the program, and to talk a little bit about that on another episode. But again, this sponsorship, again, I cannot pay back what my sponsor has done for me. I mean, even to this day, you know, we're constantly looking at life, but we can relate it back to things like, you know, what is my primary purpose? You know, where I'm at. Where is it me in the midst of this, if I'm getting feared up about something, and I'm responding in in a way I didn't want to respond, or feeling like. I got to avoid this situation all the way what's going on inside of me that's making that happen? And once I can kind of figure out what that is, I can immediately contribute to the contribute to the situation, rather than either be fearful or contribute negatively to the situation. And I prefer today to be able to be a part of the solution in what I have in my life, as well as, hey, part of that solution a lot of times, is making it fun. You know, we there's challenging things that we all have to go through and and I just want to say again, like, this is great, you know, today I can run by things with my sponsor about, hey, raising kids, and, you know, the challenges of, you know, what? You know, they may be hearing from other people out in the community. My kids are involved in a lot of different, you know, sporting events and things like that. And hey, you know, there's a lot of different opinions out there. And so it's like, hey, how do I end up navigating this particular conversation I'm now going to have with my child? And just, you know, it's great to get some feedback with that. When I had to leave a job several years ago, which was, you know, anybody in my position would have said, Hey, you made it, you know, but it was like I had to leave it. I was able to navigate that with my with my sponsor, and, you know, and with, you know, by navigating with him, I was able to, you know, successfully, you know, talk about this with my wife, and what did that look like? What was that going to be like? And, you know, and it's turned out to be, you know, one of the greatest decisions I've ever made in my life. And you know, it opened just a whole new world to me, and, you know, but it all started with me getting sober, starting with a sponsor, letting somebody get to know me, building that out, you know. And now working with the sponsor who, boom, you know, this other, you know, seeing this other world that is just so full of life and so full of the things I once thought of when I was a child, like, man, the world is great, like, it's a great place to live. And I lost, I lost a part of that in my addiction. And, you know, I could say it's easy to lose a part of that, even in the in the busyness of life. So, you know, having that sponsor has really helped me stay grounded to what's really important. And you know, so again, I haven't been able to, again, just only scratch the surface on the amount of gratitude I have for sponsorship, and I just want to say is that. So if you know somebody who's in the 12 step community, make sure that they are engaged with a sponsor, and if they're not, you know, really find out the How come they've chosen to go that route. Because, you know, pain is necessary and suffering is optional. And you know that's just, that's just, you know, I know the way life works, and you know I don't have to sit in that suffering any longer, because I know I have a way out. So hey, I know I appreciate everybody being here with me today. And please, you know, pass on the episode to somebody, if you found that this was valuable and until our next episode, please remember sobriety is a family affair.