Newcomer Suggestions

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Hello and welcome. I'm your host. Joseph Devlin, I'm glad you can join us today. Today in our show, I'm going to talk about suggestions for the newcomer.

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let's get at it

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all right. Today I'm going to be reading a little bit

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from pamphlet from AA and suggestions for the newcomer. And you know, if you don't go to AA, you can use this in kind of all the 12 step

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communities you're

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going to see that it's very applicable for any of the meetings, whether it's al, Anon, Narn, on, so on and so forth. However, what I do know is that you know, even if somebody's on an early recovery or maybe somebody's in the treatment center, or maybe somebody's you're hoping and waiting for your your loved one, to get into the treatment center, so that they get involved into a community. And you know, they're going to do some 12 step community work. These are really good things to build a foundation upon. So here we go. So there's 12 suggestions here, and I'm just going to read kind of bits and pieces of them. So the first one says, go to meetings. Check out various types of meetings. Always know the time and place of your next meeting, and don't drink before the meeting when starting. Many AAS recommend you go to 90 meetings in 90 days. It's a great suggestion. It's a great way to get things on the footing. And one thing that you often hear from folks is that, hey, listen, you know, how many meetings do I need to go to? Well, listen, how many times were you using? You were using every day? Great. Go to a meeting every day. Suggestion two is get phone numbers at the meetings and it says, Call someone before you take that first drink. One of the big things that we do today. I mean, we have phones. We all have cell phones. So you can easily just put somebody's phone number in there, but it's great just to

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accrue a great number of

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u'll be able to get a list of: 2030

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and again, this could be for like the Al Anon.

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You can buy that book and buy the NARA non book, so on and so forth, but actually read the program on it. Number five, find a home group and ask for service commitment. Any level of service will help you feel part of the group that's so important. So finding a home group that's like a group that you always attend every week, also you attend the business meeting. However, it's a easy way to get into service. So meaning that, like, hey, getting you know myself outside of myself, meaning that I get a chance to serve other people. And many times that service could be making coffee. It could simply just be sitting in the chair and sharing. It could also be saying hello to anybody who walks in through that door. So the service commitment doesn't need to be huge, but it'd be something that you'd be a part of each and every week. Number six is look for a temporary sponsor. Find a member of the same sex with some sober time or working knowledge of the 12 steps and has the sobriety you want. That's awesome suggestion. So look, many people will not get a sponsor because they're like, I have to, you know, making this big commitment, kind of like they're getting into some kind of dating relationship, or they're getting engaged. Look, get a temporary sponsor, you know, somebody of the same sex, and somebody's got a knowledge of the 12 steps, and it'll begin, it'll at least set you on that path to getting into the program, which is, you know,

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part of, part of

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that 12 step group. So it's, you know, you have fellowship, you know you have unity, service and recovery. So you you really want to jump into that recovery program. Number seven is avoid people, places and things that may lead you to a drink if you. Must go. Have a plan to leave early or take another member if tempted think the drink all the way through, is one drink really going to be enough as it ever this is great, boy, um, avoid people, places and things. I mean, we could talk about a whole hour on that, how that could work out. So, as much as you know, as much as you can, hey, you know, avoid those things. But when you have to go to maybe you they have to go to a business meeting. Okay, well, what's the plan? What's the plan? You know, getting there late, leaving early. So there's many other things that can come up for a solution on that number eight, remember, halt, don't get too hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. This gold Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. And again, we could spend a whole hour talking about this normally. Just think, you know, we never go food shopping when we're hungry, right? You know, I never make, I never make really good decisions when I'm angry about something. So you know, as as just being aware of that, it's like a warning sign. So sometimes it means just take a break when I know one of those four things are going on. Number nine, stick with the winners, the people who are staying sober by doing service and practicing the program. It's kind of looking around saying, Okay, who are the people who are happy, who are the people who are being of service, who are the people who are working on programs? So the tysa they're talking about, like sticking with the winners. And so you just need to be at meetings to be observant and to see that. And so, you know, watch people who, or the people will actually hold doors open for people who are kind to one another. These are folks that you definitely want to be around. And they're also people like you want to get involved in the middle of the pack. It's kind of one of those things when you're on the outside of the pack, out there in the wilderness, you're the first ones to get kind of eaten and picked off. So addiction, you know, is, is rearing its head and it's ready for the the person who's kind of hanging on the way outside. So let folks stick with the winners. Get in the middle, in the back, number 10. Experiment with prayer. Ask your higher power for help. This one's huge. Many of people who are walking into a 12 step community. Cannot stand the 12 step community because it talks about God or a higher power. Well, hey, just start somewhere. Start with some form of prayer. Again. I could talk about a whole hour on this what prayer really looks like and but just begin practicing with it. And the first thing I always say is, hey, most people have, like, that obsessive thought to use, hey, ask God to remove it. Ask your higher power to remove it. Just ask your higher power, even if that's the only thing you can come up with is say, Hey, I'm going to try prayer saying, hey, help me stay sober today. So we'll go on to number 11, jump in risk, active participation in your own recovery. This is huge. Many folks. I mean, jumping in could take many different levels. It could be, you know, taking on multiple service, whether it's being coffee commitments or greeters, but also jumping in active participation like Sharon. And sometimes that Sharon will be kind of a break. If the meeting has a break, you get with somebody. Sometimes it's, you know, meeting with your temporary sponsor and sharing with them. And sometimes it's sharing at the group level, like, just jump in there and encourage them to really participate. And number 12, is easy, does it? We are here to help, says, And so look at these. I mean, that's it's so huge because there's 12 things that are listed here, which I say are all foundational. They're all suggested by AA. But it also says, easy, does it? Maybe you can't do all of these things all at once, or you can't do them all perfectly. That's okay, you know, just you know, begin. You can see many of these build off of one another, and, you know, and for the other ones that are just, like, really good life lessons, like hall like, give yourself a break. Like, Easy does it? Like, sometimes you're going to do some silly things when you're hungry, right? You're going to buy a ton of food. Sometimes, when you're really tired, you're going to say something stupid to somebody like, Look, man, I'm just going to bed. Or could you just be quiet? I'm just trying to get some, you know, peace and quiet. They're trying to tell you something that they think is very important. We're going to make mistakes. We're human beings. It's the way it works. But these are, again, great foundations for Al Anon, for AA Na, so on and so forth. And I want you to think about this just as we read that list. You know, one of the things to really think about, when somebody wants to stop, look, they can do amazing things, and there's no limit to how far they can actually go. Now, one of those things, though, I think that has, hey, I. Know I have a loved one who's trying to get sober. One of the things I know I gotta bring out of my head sometimes my feeling is that, hey, listen, this person just has a padded they're stubborn or they're weak. Well, I need to throw those ideas out and just say, Hey, listen, I'm not going to think that they are this way, I'm going to think the opposite. Because, quite frankly, if they've been out, they've been out in their addiction, yeah, like they are pretty like, they know how to persevere, and they know how to work hard, diligently, and how to do things. So it's actually the opposite of thinking that it's just like this, you know, this weak willed stubbornness that they have going on. It actually takes a big will to be out there to continue to use, even in all kinds of adversity and difficulty. And so as it can kind of remove that from my own brain. And, you know, I want you to think about like as you're talking to your loved one. I mean, you know, in many instances, when I look at this thing for the suggestions for the newcomers, just think about it for yourself. Which ones are you doing, or which ones can you start doing, or which ones can you dig deeper into? Because as you're digging deeper into it, it would only be natural for you to be able to talk to your loved one about that. Now it's very easy to begin talking with them about that, especially if they're early in recovery, or they've been in or they are in recovery, you can ask them like some of their thoughts on it, like, hey, like, what do you think about this 90 days? And, you know, 90 meetings in 90 days, it's not like for you. And then as they're talking to you, have them tell you a little bit more about that, you know. Ask them like, Hey, listen, what are some of the struggles that you have at meetings, especially if you're going to meetings yourself, you know, listen for it, and you can all of a sudden find out, like, oh my goodness, wow. I mean, they find, like, the the first, you know, come people are talking to her always, like, long winded and, you know, making you crazy inside. Wow. The same thing happens to me in my meeting. So it'll give you something to actually further have a bond on. And, you know, one of the things I want you to think about is as you're talking to them about any of these things, any of these kind of 12 suggestions. Just Just remember to kind of dial it back in your own mind like as best you can. You don't want to be lecturing or moralizing or condemning them for doing something or not doing something. You just want to be bringing this up as like, hey, you know, here's some suggestions about things you can do, like, to build this, to build this foundation. And you can get this pamphlet, you know, at a meeting or online. It's, it's literature that's approved. So it's easy to it's easy to get and give you again, like I said, just like, like, a common bond. So it's not just coming straight up from your own like opinion, but you can just, you can share with them what your experience has been like with all of this. So I want you to, I'm just going to encourage each and every one of you to to kind of review this list again, see something that, hey, maybe something that you can can personally work on. And, you know, I look at, you know, the easy ones are, like, going to a meeting. And just like even looking at it, if you've never been to a meeting before, go check one out. There's open meetings, there's Helen on. There's so many things that you can go to and just kind of get a feel for, like, Okay, now I'm understanding a little bit more about the process that I'm asking my loved one to do. Also, you know, think about the the whole halt thing you know, where are times in your life that you can maybe help set people up for success, you know, such as, like, you know, the hungry and the lonely, maybe start serving dinner at like, 530 every night, and whoever's there gets to eat. Whoever isn't, doesn't, doesn't, you know, and you know, but it allows everybody to start saying, Okay, well, for my eat, I could show up here, and then we're all together. So we're not going to be doing it alone,

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even avoiding, like people, places and things. There's definitely things that you know that can trigger or set you know could be something that needs to be avoided by your loved one. Hey, maybe it's a wine glass that you have in your house. Well, go put that away somewhere. It doesn't need to be. Maybe you know, you know could be, you know, a fact that it was a gift to you for your wedding, or something like that. That's okay. That's great for the time being. Maybe just kind of wrap it up and put it away somewhere safe, or at least, just put it into another cabinet where it's out of sight, out of mind. It can be something really simple that you can do, avoiding, like the people, places and things, and if there's other ones that come to your mind, just. Think about how you can help your loved one navigate it, but also without Remember, we're not lecturing we're not kind of moralized with them. We're not condemning them. We're not going to tell them what they absolutely have to do. But there might be, you know, a way to kind of set things up like, you know, if you're dropping them off at at their work or at a friend's house, and you know that you're going to be driving them by like an old using friend's house or, you know, a bar they used to go to, just take a different way and just talk in the car they want nine times out of 10. They may not even know, but, and that's okay, it's just something that you can also help assist them with. And you know, one of the ones I definitely want to, you know, come up with today, again, is experimenting with prayer. I mentioned it before. I think it's a, you know, a really, you know, big part of the 12 step program. I mean, we are mental, physical and spiritual beings. And, you know, we want to be able to, you know, we like, I know, I'm a person who likes to intellectualize things, and so I can kind of do that whole, you know, mental thing, physical thing, you know, okay, I get it, you know, I need to do some exercise feeling better, and, you know, drinking more water, and I'm going to do better, like, those kind of things. But it's the spiritual exercise that sometimes it's a little bit more challenging. So, you know, maybe it's something simple, like, if you get everybody at the at the dinner table again, then yeah, you start praying over the food before you eat. You start doing some things. Maybe you know in the morning and the evenings that you start saying a prayer, whatever it may be to your heart. I'm happy to talk to anybody further about different kinds of prayers, and what that looks like and what would be most beneficial for you. But as you start to experiment with it, you'll actually you'll have the opportunity to share some of your own experiences with your loved one, as you're just talking about these foundational principles that are suggestions for this program. So I thank you like in advance for for taking on the challenge to take a look at this and see some of the things that not only will benefit you, but will also set you up for great conversations with your loved one. So until our next episode, remember sobriety is a family affair.