You Are Not Crazy: Understanding The Chaos Of Addiction

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Joseph, hello and welcome to family sobriety now I'm your host, Joseph Devlin, and today's episode is one I believe many of you desperately need to hear. It's called you're not crazy understanding the chaos of addiction. If you've ever found yourself lying awake in the middle of the night, staring at the ceiling, replaying conversations, questioning your gut wondering, Am I losing it? This episode is for you, because I want to tell you something right now that might be the most important thing you hear today. You are not crazy. What you're feeling, it is real, it is valid, it makes sense, and you're not alone.

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So let's get at it.

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So let me start with a story. Let's call her Melissa. She's a mother of three, a nurse and one of the strongest women out there. Her 24 year old son, Evan, has struggled with addiction since his teenage years, starting with weed and alcohol, then opioids after an injury, and then later on fentanyl, after years of turmoil, Evan finally moved back home with the agreement that he would stay clean, follow a curfew, attend outpatient therapy and check in every night. And for the first few weeks, he did. He came home on time. He ate dinner with the family. He even started reading again.

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This allowed Melissa

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to breathe again.

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The hope crept in, kind of that hope that creeps in like at sunlight through a cracked curtain. It was beautiful, it was warm and it was bright, but slowly, things shifted.

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Evan started coming home. A little later,

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he started saying, well, the meetings ran over, or I forgot to text. His eyes looked different. Again,

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more distant,

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Melissa asked him gently if everything was okay,

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and that's when it happened. He snapped.

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He said, Mom, you're paranoid. You never trust me. Why can't you just let me be Melissa. Backed off. She was confused. She was hurt

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and full of doubt.

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She began to tell herself, maybe he's right, maybe I am being controlling.

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Maybe I'm the problem.

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But here's the truth, she wasn't.

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She was responding exactly how a caring, loving human brain is wired to respond.

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It responds to patterns, to memory,

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to danger.

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Let's talk about the brain for a moment

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when you've lived through the chaos of addiction,

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and if any of these occurred for you, any of these have ever occurred for you, like you missed curfews, car accidents, overdoses, screaming matches, empty bank accounts, lies that broke your heart. Your brain does what it's designed to do. It remembers you. It stores those memories as a way to protect you. So when your loved one starts behaving in even subtly familiar ways, your nervous system lights up. You get that sick feeling in your gut, your sleep becomes restless. You are not crazy. You've experienced trauma, and your brain is trying to protect you. And quite frankly, you're tired of being told you're. A problem when you're the one trying to hold everything together.

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Let me share another story with you.

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This one is about Darla, and she's a wife. She stood by her husband Mike through years of alcohol abuse. Mike had two DUIs. He had problems with the jobs he was at, and they almost lost their marriage, but after a sit down meeting, Mike agreed to do something about his alcohol problem. He went the course of wanting to take a pause from his drinking, and Darla started to relax a little. Mike was making progress. He was following through on the things he said he would do,

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and the pause was going well.

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Then one night, about six months in, Mike didn't come home after work, and when Darla called, his phone went straight to voicemail. Darla's body went into panic mode. She drove past the bars he used to go to she called some of his friends,

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she even called local hospitals,

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but she got no answers.

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When Mike finally came home, about two hours later, he was calm and sober because he had just gone for a walk and forgot to have his phone charged, and he was met with tears and fear. He didn't understand it at all.

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He asked, Darla, why are you freaking out?

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I've been doing great,

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and he had been doing great, but that emotional roller coaster never got off the tracks for Darla, because these years of experiences are embedded in her. It's cellular. It's embodied in her. If you're listening and thinking that's me, please hear me when I say you're not alone, you're not broken, you're not too much, and you're not wrong. Loving someone with a substance abuse problem is like dancing on a tightrope between hope and heartbreak, between that grace and boundaries, between loving fiercely and protecting yourself. And it's not easy, but it is possible to stay grounded even when everything around you feel shaky. Let me share three things that might help you find your emotional footing when the chaos creeps in.

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One ground yourself through breath.

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I You can go back and listen to other episodes I've talked about many different breathing patterns. Here's another one that I'm going to share with you today. So when your body starts to spiral, your heart's pounding, your hands are shaking, your mind's racing, pause,

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close your eyes

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and then inhale through your nose for the count of four.

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Hold for four,

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and exhale out of your mouth for the count of eight. I'm

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going to repeat this four times. So inhale through your nose,

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hold for four

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and exhale for eight.

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Inhale for four,

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hold for four,

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exhale for eight.

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Your last time, inhale for four,

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hold for four,

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and exhale for eight, and really push this out.

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Awesome, honor your body, wherever you feel that maybe it's in your hands. Is or your shoulders feel a little bit lighter. What you're doing here is you're resetting your nervous system. This tells your body, I am safe, even if I'm scared. Number two, you can try and write down what's true. I appreciate this exercise, because in that fog of substance abuse, lies and confusion swirl all around us,

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and journaling can be your anchor.

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So begin writing first prompt, what happened,

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second, what you saw or heard,

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next, what you feel and last, what you know to be true today. This helps us separate fear from facts and memory from manipulation. And the last one I'm going to share with you today is tend to your spirit. That could mean prayer, a walk in nature, reading a devotional, or simply sitting in silence with your hand over your heart, whatever helps you remember who you are apart from the chaos. Do that a reminder you don't have to solve all their substance abuse problems to deserve peace before we end. I want you to remember you didn't cause this, and you are allowed to care without being consumed. You're not crazy for feeling exhausted. You're not wrong for feeling suspicious. You're not broken for wanting things to be better and still bracing for them to fall apart. It means you have a heart that loves deeply, and that's a beautiful thing. If today's episode gave you a breath of relief, a flicker of clarity, or even just made you feel less alone, I invite you to reach out. You can connect with me directly. This journey is too hard to walk alone. Thank you for joining me today on family sobriety now and always remember, sobriety is a family affair.